Saturday, December 31, 2016

Happy New Year (with bonus FREE advice, whether you want it or not!)

Well, Internet nieces and nephews, the New Year, 2017, is almost upon us.

How are you doing?

Me, I'm fine. Thanks for asking. It's a little chilly out here in my "woman cave." But a fresh, hot cup of coffee, perhaps laced with a soup├žon of bourbon, should help take the edge off.

Anyhoo, just wanted to let y'all know I'm still here! Sorry if I haven't posted as often as you might like (ditto if I've posted MORE than you'd like).

But as always, my New Year's resolution is - not to make any New Year's resolutions!

And I STRONGLY urge you to do the same!

Listen, kids - everyone makes these wonderful, grandiose resolutions at the first of the year. "I'm gonna lose weight! I'm gonna stop drinking! I'm gonna start exercising!"

And what happens? You got it. By the time February 1st rolls around, 99.9% * of these resolutions will have been broken, sometimes in spectacular fashion, but mostly just quietly, with embarrassment, shame, and guilt.

Don't buy into it, kids! Be smart! You know what? All those advertisers out there promising to "help" you keep your resolutions just want one thing - your hard-earned cash. They COUNT on you failing, because they know you'll blame yourself, and keep trying, again and again.

Why not try something different this year?

Tonight, at the stroke of midnight (or 9 p.m., if you're like Aunt Chrissy and go to sleep earlier these days), hold up your right (or left) hand, or foot, or whatever bodily appendage is still working, and say:

"I, [state your name], do solemnly resolve that I will NOT solemnly resolve to do ANYTHING except do my best to enjoy each and every day as it arrives, so help me [deity of your choice]."

Then go to bed, sleep it off, and go to church (optional, but Aunt Chrissy, as a devout Catholic, just has to get that in!).

And if you're looking for a place to send your hard-earned cash, why not find a nice charity, like Goodwill or the Salvation Army, or a local food bank, and give it to them? You'll be helping others, and that's always a better feeling than failing at yet another stupid, useless diet.

Now - go thou and do likewise. And have a VERY happy 2017!

(* and by the way, did you know that 80% of all statistics are completely made up?)

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